How to Catch and Build Good Behaviour
Adjusting your Parenting Spotlight to get more of the behaviour you want
45 minute workshop - pair with another 45 minute workshop.
To book this workshop please contact Bill Hansberry
If you showed 100 people a page of white paper with a small black dot and asked them where their eyes focused, I’m certain at least 90 of them would respond that they looked at the black dot!
This simple principle explains how many of us look at our kid’s behaviour. Every day, each moment, our kids are in reality spending a lot of their time being generally compliant and cooperative (the white space on the page), but what do we find ourselves talking (or yelling at) to our kids about? You’ve got it – the black dot behaviours!
Now, don’t feel bad because you’re not alone. It’s very normal to pay attention to the behaviours that irritate or annoy us and to let the complaint, considerate or even helpful things that our kids do slip by unnoticed and unmentioned.
So, we need a little behavioural theory to hang out hats on. In our more reflective moments, we remember what the experts have always told us – that praising positive behaviour is infinitely more powerful in shaping behaviour than criticising, lecturing and nagging when kids get it wrong. But, because of our natural negativity bias (black dot gazing), many of us would admit that in the hustle and bustle of life raising kids, we fall headlong into the trap of only talking about behaviour with our kids when they behave uncooperatively, inconsiderately, or are just being naughty!
This workshop, that expands on chapter 2 of my popular parenting book ‘Raising Beaut Kids’, offering powerful reminders and practical strategies about what we can do to catch and build positive behaviours. Parents leave this fun and clever workshop primed to spend a little more time looking at the white space, and a little less time gazing at the black dot. When we improve this balance we bring the best out of our kids, more often.
We really enjoyed the interactive participation using the social window to help us understand the different styles of parenting and what our default style is when we are under pressure. We could have a laugh and learn. Bill reinforced the idea that consequences were necessary but were not about hurting or punishing children.
Gilles St Primary School